sietekk

Life at home is a bit confusing. It is difficult as usual to deal with the family, but that is a given. But there is more to this life at home that deals mainly with my social life and friends. I really don't think they are too enthused by my presence anymore. I beleive it to be, and this has been reinforced by a good friend, the previous summer's events which peaked when I crashed the Cressida last August. I tried to do everything right that night, and I thought that included calling the police to report my accident. Since I just left a party, I smelled of alcohol, and the police wanted to go to the house the party was at and tell them not to drive drunk. I wasn't drunk though. Apparently, according to my friend, everyone was mad pissed at me for this. I didn't want it to happen, but I made sure no one would get in trouble. I tried hard to prevent all of it, and if I knew where I crashed my car was technicaly a driveway, I would have just called a tow truck and had my car brought home. This was all really quite upsetting, especialy because none of the relationships with my friends from home have been the same since then. There is always this feeling of mistrust. I don't end up at parties, and no one talks to me, or if they do, seems enthused to talk to me. Being a shy person with social phobia makes this all that much more difficult to deal with. Anyone who I have talked to about this has said nothing about being upset about this, except that friend, who said they have been polite.

I wish that night didn't happen, and I wish that if I inconvenience anyone that they would tell me whole heartedly how they feel. I don't even think this friend, my best friend, finds me to be of similar significance to himself as he is to me.

This is the first essay I wrote for the Writing Seminar at my college. It's about a modern class of weapons called "mini-nukes." I think they are a terrible idea, and hopefully after reading this essay, you'll agree too.

High Yield Problem with Low Yield Weapons
The shockwave punched the air throughout the compound compressing Armaan Dulabi’s sternum into his heart. His feet kicked up off the ground, and he ripped through the air. Upon his landing, he rolled like a rag doll for several feet before he came to an unconscious stop. The American in the B-2 bomber 40,000 feet in the air radioed in the successful delivery of the mini-nuke on the Iranian nuclear facility. Armaan awoke an hour later on a cot in a pile of his own puke with a disorienting ring in his ears. His reddened skin had started to blister. The screams around him muffled by regurgitated blood did not help to comfort him. The thirteen year old boy did not know it, but his organs were collapsing beneath his skin. The radiation sickness was squeazing Armaan’s life from his body. The chemical receptors in his brain, triggered by the radiation, made his stomach feel as if it was full of bleach. The boy can expect to feel better in a few days, but the superficial remission will lead to massive cell death in his body. Substantial, bloody diarrhea and vomiting will overtake him much like the delirium will overtake his mind. His hair will fall out with his teeth, and a dry cough will make uncontrollable bleeding in the mouth all that much worse. The massive headaches will be a fortunate distraction from his burning skin, which has bleeding blotches underneath. His cells will decay into a bloody, swollen mass of meat, as he slips into unconsciousness, and then, death. This is what will happen if the Bush Administration has its way and uses a mini-nuke.
The Administration and the Military Industrial Complex may think mini-nukes are the hot new ticket for strategic strikes against rogue states and terrorists, but do these people in these positions of power think outside of their agenda? Are the technical aspects of this weapon sound? Will this weapon enhance our military commanders’ strategy? What are the beneficial uses of such a weapon? What they and their supporters do not inherently understand is the costs do in fact out weigh any positive affect this weapon supposedly could deliver—this weapon will not benefit us. The technical aspects of this weapon prove it to be extremely fallible, and also to mention, the mini-nuke has serious, negative, strategic ills as well. I fear that this weapon’s cause will fail. I care for the Armaan’s who would surely be destroyed in its deployment. This weapon must never be used, because the mini-nuke has no technical, strategic, or beneficial use in modern warfare.
The mini-nuke, a low yield nuclear weapon, is a relatively new design exposed to the public in 1997. The current mini-nuke model, B61 Mod 11 or B61-11, is a “bunker buster” style weapon designed to be deployed from an aircraft and to be detonated releasing its energy into an area through first burying itself in the ground. By detonating in the ground, the weapon supposedly will not unleash horrid fallout, while delivering more destruction than a conventional bunker buster. In technical respects, the mini-nuke is a straight forward weapon that will eclipse the current arsenal of bunker busters, but this is not the case. During testing in Alaska, an unarmed B61-11 was dropped from 40,000 feet by a B-2 bomber. It tunneled a mere 20 feet into the ground. A very respectable depth for a conventional weapon, but at this depth, a massive cloud of debris and radiation would be kicked up into the air causing severe local fallout. Scientists working on Operation Plowshare in the 1960’s and 1970’s detonated a 104-kiloton device to test the usability of nuclear devices to excavate soil. The bomb was buried 635 feet in the ground, yet it displaced 12 million tons of earth, much of which became airborne fallout. Even a 0.1-kiloton bomb needs to be buried 230 feet to be fully contained. The mini-nuke’s yield range is from 0.3 to 300-kilotons. The mini-nuke obviously cannot be contained underground by a mere 20 feet.
Twenty feet is not the only problem. Strategically, the mini-nuke will cost us. Conventional bunker buster style weapons tunnel the same distance as the mini-nuke, and while they may not deliver the same amount of explosive force, they are proven to be effective. Proof of this comes direct from the Iraq War where many of these were used to destroy underground bunkers to aid in the invasion. Conventional arms are proven as a deterrent against terrorism, and rogue states obviously acknowledge this. A mini-nuke would not only be a gratuitous way to destroy a target, but also wreck everything around it. This is not in our interest. Furthermore, the repercussions of developing and using such a weapon would alienate the United States ever more from the international community. Such a weapon blurs the line between nuclear and conventional warfare. This will make the use of the mini-nuke more lucrative, and if we use it, other countries are going to increasingly stray away from relations with us. Our national image will be further tarnished. Not only is the United States not in the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, but if we develop small nuclear arms outside of these similar treaties, this may cause other countries to feel the need to keep up. Other countries will develop their own mini-nuke bunker buster or tactical bomb weapons. They may even leave treaties that were put in place to limit nuclear arms. This is a complete regression back to a Cold War era style of international interaction.
Returning to the Cold War will not benefit us, and neither will the mini-nuke. Since 1991, we have settled into a comfortable understanding that nuclear war is history. Politicians, in a modern mindset convinced of a lack of nuclear war, will tarnish their careers by proposing and backing the use of mini-nukes. So far, the proposals passed to fund, the announcements of the existence, and the possible issues from these weapons have not drawn too much media attention. The politicians and companies involved are in the clear for the time being, but their relations with the public will not benefit if a mini-nuke is ever used. The United States is not in the clear either if other countries arm themselves with mini-nukes. This makes accountability hard to pin down, and rogue states and terrorists might be able to gain access to these weapons. There is no benefit in that. A nation such as Russia with a distraught military is already questionable in regards to keeping track of its current nuclear arsenal. Expecting Russia to deal with mini-nukes and similar devices like the United States is nonsense. We can expect the possibility of these weapons ending up in the enemy’s hands—much like some of Russia’s other equipment has.
We, the United States, have a chance to stop the production and eventual use of mini-nukes. Many examples exist to refute the claims of the Administration and the Military Industrial Complex. The technicalities of this weapon are flawed; it doesn’t work. Strategically, we will put ourselves in a harder place than where we are at with the War on Terrorism and the international community. Finally, what are these so called benefits? We need to tell our government to stop developing and building mini-nukes. For the sake of peace, and people like Armaan, mini-nukes need to be banned forever.

I have a live journal. I feel usefull.

Today, I woke up early after a late night of reading to finish my Writing homework, and got to class 10 minutes late. Not too good, because I had this professor last year when I was doing horrible. I want to make the impression that I've changed a lot. I have, but I feel the need to show it. I then headed over to the Learning Support Services place to get set up with a coach type person to help me with organization and such. I'm so bad at that. My coach couldn't see me at that time so I headed over to the Health Center to get set up with a counselor and shrink. I eventualy came back and met with the academic coach (I beleive that's what you call her). I then did my math homework, went to math, and came back. I feel like I should do my Solid Modeling and Design homework, but I'm kinda tired from last night.

It's been 3.5 days here, and I still havn't seen any old friends. I have this need to prove to them that I'm more social and... I guess "normal" than last year. So much has changed in the year I've been gone. These past couple of days have been several different lives combining and parting ways to this new life I have--this new me. I hope it's a better me, and it seems like it is, but I worry. I just want to be good enough and normal. I'm sick of dealing with my issues. It's been about 10 years of my life lost to depression and anxiety, and I want it back. I can't have it back, but I can move forward. I hope I'm moving; I can't quite tell after just three days here.

We'll see.